Rebecca MacFarlane
Our relationships are a key part of our lives, and the love and friendship we build with our partner is invaluable. Of course, we all desire to see our relationship succeed and exceed all expectations. So, here are some tips on how to maintain a healthy relationship.
- Give Each other space
In this day and age, it is widely believed that a healthy relationship equals being joined at the hip every minute of every day. Whereas this may seem cute and conjure up images of bleeding heart romantics singing choruses of “baby I can’t live without you!”, it is actually extremely unhealthy.
Nothing kills a relationship faster than smothering it to death. Trying to literally insert yourself into every iota of your partner’s life will have them feeling overwhelmed and like they want to run for the hills. As Human Beings, we need our own space and need to feel as though we are autonomous to some degree.
Spending time together is obviously important, but this should be balanced out by spending time apart. You know what they say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
- Do not micromanage your partners life
No one likes being commanded around. Treating your partner like a subordinate in your army of two will not do your relationship any favors. Telling them what they may and may not do, who they may or may not see or expecting them to report to you at every single turn is bound to have them running for the hills. For a healthy relationship, set boundaries gently but firmly and trust that they have the dignity to respect them. Micromanaging will not stop a partner from straying. Studies have actually proven the exact opposite of this.
- Give benefit of the doubt
If you enter into a relationship with an already suspicious mind-set, you are pretty much dooming it to failure from the start. One of the main reasons given by people who cheat is “well she/he was constantly accusing me of it anyway.” I am not justifying this, but I am trying to illustrate how non-trust can drive your partner away. Keep telling yourself that your partner will cheat and the relationship will end in heartbreak, chances are that will happen. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and have trust.
- Agree to Disagree, and know that it is perfectly alright
Just because you are in a relationship does not mean your personal views and values have to perfectly align 100% of the time. And that is OK. Disagreeing on something doesn’t mean you are less in tune with each other romantically, emotionally or spiritually. It simply means you are human and have your own opinions on certain things.
Acknowledging that you will sometimes have differing opinions and feelings shows that you are mature and have a healthy relationship. Agreeing to disagree also means avoiding a pointless argument and trying to force one another to see things your way.
- Accept each other’s flaws- we are only human
Inhuman expectations are one of the leading causes for relationship failures. No one is perfect, and expecting your partner to be so will only end in disappointment. On the other hand, accepting their flaws and looking for healthy ways to work with them will lead to a much happier relationship.
- Recognise that no relationship is perfect
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship outside of Disney Fairy tales. You will have your ups, as well as your downs. Your fights as well as your bliss. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and working together to get through both the good times and the bad will keep you going strong. Do not jump ship at the first sign of stormy waters. Be prepared for the fact that you will run into these times, and have the strength to work through them.
- Everyone has a past- deal with it
You cannot allow your partners past to interfere with your current relationship. Constantly harping on about their exes and what they did 5 years before they met you will just cause major frustration and contention. Your partner cannot change what they did in the past, and nor can you. So why dwell on it? If you allow it to come between you, you are only dooming your relationship to failure. Accept that everyone has a past, and move forward.
- Make time for each other without outside distractions
When you are spending one on one time with your partner, like a dinner date, do not allow for any distractions. Try to put your phone away if possible, and dedicate your attention to them. This way, you are letting your partner know that you value them and the time which you spend with them. There is nothing worse and more discouraging than sitting opposite someone who is glued to their cell phone screen. I may as well be on a date with the wall if that is the case.
- Compromise
Never be too proud to compromise. Relationships should be made of equal give and equal take. This may mean taking part in an activity that you aren’t necessarily that interested in, just to ensure your partner is happy and gets to do something they enjoy. Of course, it should never be you doing all of the compromising all of the time. In that case, it isn’t called compromising, it is called being a push over, and no one should accept being treated that way.
- No more playing games
Another sure fire way to turn your relationship into a relationship wreck is playing emotional head games. Back and forth psychological games will wear both you and your partner down, and will turn the relationship into a vicious playground that fosters animosity rather than love. It is a game in which no one can win, and both will end up emotionally torn down. Leave the check mates for the chess board!
Remember, your relationship should be your refuge in life. Keep it happy, healthy and full of love.
